Ultimate Democratic Speech

[DKW 86 7,899]

Been analyzing the speeches opf Dems for years and I think I now understand them. So for brevity's sake I thought I would just consolidate the Dem's position on every topic for everyone on the board.

Here goes.

Q: What are we to do about a sluggish economy?

A: We need to raise taxes so that the Fed Govt can stay solvent. That is far higher priority than tax cuts that let businesses create new expansion. The Fed Govt has never produced anything but we know better than those evil businessmen. We have now cast away FDR and have adopted the Hoover Economic model here. Go Hoovernomics!

Q: What are we to do with Social Security?

A: We need to raise taxes to send more money to Washington so that we can in turn invest it in spending now that has no ROI. We wont use the stock market, we will use the same failed system that we have used for 70 years that averages <2% return. We in the Fed Govt do not pay SS taxes so we are all ok with raising your taxes, not ours. If we let you keep your money you folks would do something stupid like invest it and we know that the more successful people become the less likely they are to vote Democratic. We dont need no wide spread success here!

Q: What about Education?

A:We need to raise taxes so that we can continue to invest in our failed methods. We need to hire more incompetent teachers. Teachers that cannot pass the Alabama 11th grade graduation exam(see ASU Lawsuit). That way we get the least for our money and we can then raise taxes again. It takes time and effort to keep America a second rate educational power. We have a lot invested in that. The NEA has been a great help to our party and to destroying real education in America. We need to fund more silly wasteful stuff like New Age courses, sex education, free condoms, Internet access to porn (American Library Association)etc. All this work takes money. Do you realize that true mediocrity in education here in Washington DC runs about $13k/year per child? We could send them all to private school and they would get a great education, but the Dem Party doesnt benefit from Higher Education. The more educated an individual, the more likely to vote Republican, we cant have that. We need America, dumb, uninformed, and ignorant. We definitely need to raise taxes not that it helps anyone but us Dems.

BTW, dont ask us about our kids, they are all in private schools now.

Q: Wait a minute, what about educating the poor black innercity kids in private schools?

A: Do you really think we want poor black kids mixed in with our rich, white, limousine liberal kids? Hello, did ALGore not teach you folks anything?

Q: What about drugs?

A:We need to raise taxes so that we can provide better needles to addicts and provide them with help in their lifestyle. We should fund more prison-to-freedom plans that prisoners can accelerate the "get out and vote" for more Democratic Candidates. These programs will likely cost big money. But then we can come back and say we need to raise taxes again to slow down the crime rate. Then we need to raise taxes again for more prisons. Then we can raise taxes again to promote early release again. Great system, see how it works?

Q: What about taxes that are too high?

A:We need to raise taxes so that we can pay our high priced friends and lawyers to tell us that taxes are not to high. We need to find the funds to provide for the study tho, so we must raise taxes again.

Q: What about waste, fraud, and abuse of taxpayer money?

A:We need to raise taxes to fund the study of Waste, Fraud, and Abuses. We need a thorough study so we can find the weak spots in the system and how they can be, I mean, are exploited. Then we will need to raise taxes to study how to direct the Waste, Fraud, and Abuse.

Q: What will we do with the money we save?

A:We need to raise taxes so that we can study the actual money saved and what to do with it. Not that we will ever find anything other than pennies on the dollar anyway. But we must raise taxes to study the new uses of that money.

Q: What about Defense and the War on Terror?

A: We need to raise taxes so that we can spend a lot of money. We need to hire new Dem Voters, Unionists and the like. Unionized Security gaurds at Airports, etc. We need to spend money with companies like Loral that give huge bucks to the Dem Party. We need to raise Taxes.

Q: What about a return on our Defense Dollar?

A: We need to raise taxes to study that. Do we really want a return on the defense dollar? Isnt that unethical or something. We need an attack on US soil to scare us to death. That way we can really raise taxes!

Q: What do we do with outdated programs such as the Mohair subsidy?

A:We need to raise taxes to study the problem. We have our experts on the job. And you know how we know they are good? Because they cost a lot and give big donations to the Dem Party, that's how.

Q: So we then shut down the outdated programs?

A:We need to raise taxes to study how they are being exploited best by those in Govt and how to maximize our gains. These outdated programs do a great service by providing a large chunk of money to Dems who protect them. We definitely need to raise taxes here.

Q: So what we are really saying here is that the answer to every problem in the world is....?

A: We need to raise taxes! Now we are talking!

[Jenny AU-92 0]

Thanks, David, for the insightful analysis. I may just have to rethink my position as to party affiliation now that I see it spelled out so clearly.

[War Eagle 96 10]

That's about right. Send it to Dean, he'll think you're serious and use it.

[DKW 86 7,899]

Bump