Why I decided to shoot all my Bud Light: A letter to my 'woke' liberal neighbors

[aubiefifty 18,259]

Why I decided to shoot all my Bud Light: A letter to my 'woke' liberal neighbors

Rex Huppke, USA TODAY

5–6 minutes

---

Dear neighbors:

I see on the local Facebook page that some have been wondering why I recently put three cases of Bud Light on a folding table in my backyard and then shot them to shreds with my AR-15.

Under the rules of the Second Amendment, I don’t have to answer your questions (look it up, libs), but in the interest of being neighborly, I will.

The answer is simple: Anheuser-Busch has gone woke.

The company I have long supported by getting day drunk on Bud Light recently caved to the absurd liberal notion that we should treat everyone with kindness and respect by partnering with Dylan Mulvaney, who I’m told by Google is “a transgender social media influencer.”

Kid Rock shot his Bud Light, so I shot mine

I learned about this through my primary news source, Kid Rock’s Instagram page. Mr. Rock posted a video of himself shooting cases of Bud Light, saying, “(Expletive) Bud Light. (Expletive) Anheuser-Busch!”

It was clear from that moment that I too, as a patriot, needed to purchase several cases of Bud Light and then destroy them with the same type of firearm used in most mass shootings. If this act of responsible protest offended your delicate sensibilities, I’ll be happy to loan you my “Liberal Tears” mug.

 

Singer Kid Rock performs a concert before the Daytona 500 auto race in Daytona Beach, Fla., in 2015.

 

While none of you so-called Americans in the neighborhood joined me in my battle against creeping wokeness, many high-profile conservatives did, including country music star Travis Tritt, who banned all Anheuser-Busch products from his tour, and GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, who called it “the worst kind of woke capitalism.”

Former professional baseball player Aubrey Huff tweeted: “My God how dumb you have to be @budlight? Can’t wait to see the next quarter sales. #cancelbudlight”

I and my fellow truth-tellers took time away from our important crusade against the horrors of liberal cancel culture to encourage others to never, ever drink Bud Light again. I dare any of you to name a more noble quest than protesting a company by purchasing and then destroying its products while drawing vast, unpaid national attention to its brand.

But despite the righteousness of shooting several dozen cans of beer I had just paid for, all I hear from you neighbors are complaints. What harm am I causing, aside from one stray bullet lightly grazing Ms. Henderson’s labradoodle?

 

Colin Kaepernick passes during halftime at the 2022 Michigan Spring game at Michigan Stadium.

 

Look, I realize there were some minor issues back in 2018 when I purchased five dozen pairs of Nike sneakers and burned them in my backyard to protest the company featuring Colin Kaepernick in an ad. How was I supposed to know the flames would reach the grape arbor in Don’s yard?

And I know some of you didn’t like it last year when I learned through Newsmax host Greg Kelly that Oreo cookies had gone woke by joining PFLAG to produce a short film on coming out. What set me off was Kelly’s insightful tweet that read: “COOKIE! I love COOKIES. C is for COOKIE. COOKIE IS FOR ME. I do NOT like GAY COOKIES. ‘Sexuality’ has NOTHING TO DO with the Cookie experience.  Cookies are for ALL! Basically Cookies are ‘asexual’---why is the WOKE LEFT messing around with OREOS?!?!  STOP THE INSANITY.”

That inspired me to purchase all the Oreos they had at the grocery store, dump them in the middle of the road in front of my house and run them over with the same Hummer I used to smash the 25 Keurig coffee makers I bought after the company stopped advertising on Fox News’ Sean Hannity show.

 

Oreo maker Nabisco has created limited edition rainbow cookies and partnered with support group PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

 

Well, I guess my First Amendment rights are a little too much for the sheep in this neighborhood. I’m not going to apologize, because apologies are a tool of the woke left, but I will refrain from shooting any more beer.

And I can guarantee that, because I’ve now switched to Coors Light, so if you need me, I’ll be in the driveway in all my nonwoke glory, sitting peacefully in a lawn chair next to my Hummer – which I leave idling to protest the climate change hoax – taking long sips of ... wait a minute. Why is the Google telling me Coors Light is "among the most progressive for its employee policies toward gays" and "has been advertising in gay publications since the 1980's"?

WOKENESS IS EVERYWHERE!

Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

[aubiefifty 18,259]

everyone counts or no one counts.

[TexasTiger 14,310]

They even shoot beer. No one or thing is safe.

[I_M4_AU 8,943]

Just now, TexasTiger said:

They even shoot beer. No one or thing is safe.

It was obviously self defense.

[TexasTiger 14,310]

1 hour ago, I_M4_AU said:

It was obviously self defense.

“That beer was staring at me, officer.” 

[I_M4_AU 8,943]

 

 

[TitanTiger 21,249]

 

But also, Dylan is a man.

[SaltyTiger 8,579]

Most of these boycotts and stunts are short lived. Had a fish fry Friday night was questioned about boycotting Anheuser-Busch. Noticed my sons and their buddies that did the questioning had no problem emptying my cooler and outside fridge stocked with Michelob Ultra.

[I_M4_AU 8,943]

1 hour ago, SaltyTiger said:

Most of these boycotts and stunts are short lived. Had a fish fry Friday night was questioned about boycotting Anheuser-Busch. Noticed my sons and their buddies that did the questioning had no problem emptying my cooler and outside fridge stocked with Michelob Ultra.

If they are like my sons, free beer is free beer.  It’s up to you how you restock.  Just sayin.  

[icanthearyou 4,468]

Doing God's work.

[TexasTiger 14,310]

On 4/10/2023 at 11:33 AM, I_M4_AU said:

If they are like my sons, free beer is free beer.  It’s up to you how you restock.  Just sayin.  

If I’m providing someone free beer, price is probably the determinative factor.

[I_M4_AU 8,943]

1 minute ago, TexasTiger said:

If I’m providing someone free beer, price is probably the determinative factor.

Of course.  PBR is cheap and Golf would come visit you.

[TexasTiger 14,310]

3 minutes ago, I_M4_AU said:

Of course.  PBR is cheap and Golf would come visit you.

@augolf1716 would be welcome. Even if he brought @bigbird. But you can stay in the car. 😉

[I_M4_AU 8,943]

12 minutes ago, TexasTiger said:

@augolf1716 would be welcome. Even if he brought @bigbird. But you can stay in the car. 😉

At least I know where I stand.

[SaltyTiger 8,579]

On 4/10/2023 at 11:33 AM, I_M4_AU said:

If they are like my sons, free beer is free beer.  It’s up to you how you restock.  Just sayin.  

Noticed yesterday that someone did stick what appeared to be an 18 pack of Ultra in the utility room fridge. Thought that was nice until I began emptying it to recycle. 3 whole beers left in it. Can’t buy enough beer for a crew of 30 something’s. 

[SLAG-91 1,612]

3 hours ago, icanthearyou said:

Doing God's work.

Indeed. Bud Light is awful.

[TexasTiger 14,310]

1 hour ago, I_M4_AU said:

At least I know where I stand.

I’ll bring you one out. 😉

[ShocksMyBrain 9,764]

So are we good with cancel culture or nah? 

This is the dumbest s*** ever. 

[ShocksMyBrain 9,764]

Bud Light snowflakes are going to have a hard time finding another macro piss beer maker that doesn’t support Pride/LBGTQ. They might need to check what kind of vehicle they drive as well. And probably the clothes they have on.

 

[AUDub 11,949]

3 minutes ago, ShocksMyBrain said:

Bud Light snowflakes are going to have a hard time finding another macro piss beer maker that doesn’t support Pride/LBGTQ. They might need to check what kind of vehicle they drive as well. And probably the clothes they have on.

 

Guinness has got them covered!

Of course CHUDs aren't the smartest people. They'd probably accuse it of being woke because it's dark. 

[TexasTiger 14,310]

2 hours ago, ShocksMyBrain said:

Bud Light snowflakes are going to have a hard time finding another macro piss beer maker that doesn’t support Pride/LBGTQ. They might need to check what kind of vehicle they drive as well. And probably the clothes they have on.

 

Nude, on foot and drinking tap water.

[AUDub 11,949]

24 minutes ago, TexasTiger said:

Nude, on foot and drinking tap water.

Nah the local water works board has gone woke too.

[DKW 86 7,910]

On 4/10/2023 at 7:06 AM, aubiefifty said:

Why I decided to shoot all my Bud Light: A letter to my 'woke' liberal neighbors

Rex Huppke, USA TODAY

5–6 minutes

---

Dear neighbors:

I see on the local Facebook page that some have been wondering why I recently put three cases of Bud Light on a folding table in my backyard and then shot them to shreds with my AR-15.

Under the rules of the Second Amendment, I don’t have to answer your questions (look it up, libs), but in the interest of being neighborly, I will.

The answer is simple: Anheuser-Busch has gone woke.

The company I have long supported by getting day drunk on Bud Light recently caved to the absurd liberal notion that we should treat everyone with kindness and respect by partnering with Dylan Mulvaney, who I’m told by Google is “a transgender social media influencer.”

Kid Rock shot his Bud Light, so I shot mine

I learned about this through my primary news source, Kid Rock’s Instagram page. Mr. Rock posted a video of himself shooting cases of Bud Light, saying, “(Expletive) Bud Light. (Expletive) Anheuser-Busch!”

It was clear from that moment that I too, as a patriot, needed to purchase several cases of Bud Light and then destroy them with the same type of firearm used in most mass shootings. If this act of responsible protest offended your delicate sensibilities, I’ll be happy to loan you my “Liberal Tears” mug.

 

Singer Kid Rock performs a concert before the Daytona 500 auto race in Daytona Beach, Fla., in 2015.

 

While none of you so-called Americans in the neighborhood joined me in my battle against creeping wokeness, many high-profile conservatives did, including country music star Travis Tritt, who banned all Anheuser-Busch products from his tour, and GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, who called it “the worst kind of woke capitalism.”

Former professional baseball player Aubrey Huff tweeted: “My God how dumb you have to be @budlight? Can’t wait to see the next quarter sales. #cancelbudlight”

I and my fellow truth-tellers took time away from our important crusade against the horrors of liberal cancel culture to encourage others to never, ever drink Bud Light again. I dare any of you to name a more noble quest than protesting a company by purchasing and then destroying its products while drawing vast, unpaid national attention to its brand.

But despite the righteousness of shooting several dozen cans of beer I had just paid for, all I hear from you neighbors are complaints. What harm am I causing, aside from one stray bullet lightly grazing Ms. Henderson’s labradoodle?

 

Colin Kaepernick passes during halftime at the 2022 Michigan Spring game at Michigan Stadium.

 

Look, I realize there were some minor issues back in 2018 when I purchased five dozen pairs of Nike sneakers and burned them in my backyard to protest the company featuring Colin Kaepernick in an ad. How was I supposed to know the flames would reach the grape arbor in Don’s yard?

And I know some of you didn’t like it last year when I learned through Newsmax host Greg Kelly that Oreo cookies had gone woke by joining PFLAG to produce a short film on coming out. What set me off was Kelly’s insightful tweet that read: “COOKIE! I love COOKIES. C is for COOKIE. COOKIE IS FOR ME. I do NOT like GAY COOKIES. ‘Sexuality’ has NOTHING TO DO with the Cookie experience.  Cookies are for ALL! Basically Cookies are ‘asexual’---why is the WOKE LEFT messing around with OREOS?!?!  STOP THE INSANITY.”

That inspired me to purchase all the Oreos they had at the grocery store, dump them in the middle of the road in front of my house and run them over with the same Hummer I used to smash the 25 Keurig coffee makers I bought after the company stopped advertising on Fox News’ Sean Hannity show.

 

Oreo maker Nabisco has created limited edition rainbow cookies and partnered with support group PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

 

Well, I guess my First Amendment rights are a little too much for the sheep in this neighborhood. I’m not going to apologize, because apologies are a tool of the woke left, but I will refrain from shooting any more beer.

And I can guarantee that, because I’ve now switched to Coors Light, so if you need me, I’ll be in the driveway in all my nonwoke glory, sitting peacefully in a lawn chair next to my Hummer – which I leave idling to protest the climate change hoax – taking long sips of ... wait a minute. Why is the Google telling me Coors Light is "among the most progressive for its employee policies toward gays" and "has been advertising in gay publications since the 1980's"?

WOKENESS IS EVERYWHERE!

Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

[DKW 86 7,910]

6 hours ago, TexasTiger said:

Nude, on foot and drinking tap water. COORS LIGHT, by the pool.

FTFY, Welcome to my world...

[NolaAuTiger 3,295]

14 hours ago, ShocksMyBrain said:

So are we good with cancel culture or nah?

In this context, yes . . . yes we are good with it.