The Fix Is In - a football story

[Systems 177]

This Fix is In

In no particular order of events:

Monday 10/10/2022
) banking holiday
) rowing-up-ducks

Tuesday
) the funding for the buyout is secure by end of day
) 50% due day 1 - about $8M
) the remaining 50% due as annuity over the next 24 months = $333,333.33/month
) D Sanders & Jack's State water availability at football facilities suddenly goes down

Wednesday
) BH weekly leadership meeting w/Bobby & Jimmy - the deal is done; to be announced Saturday 15 minutes before the UT/bammer game on ESPN
) #Shhhhhhhhhh...
) BHarsin authorizes down payment on a sweet house in Colorado, declines Nebraska job via text message
) BOMontgomery raises interest rates on home repairs by 0.25% through 10/2024
) YellaWood signs 2 year contracts with AL State Gov to repair storm damage - financed by BOM, of course 

Thursday
) no news released
) Auburn football team has best practice all year - relaxed and energized 
) coaching rumors swirl on Finebaum

Friday
) Josh Pate gets his white tee shirt dirty
) D Sanders & the Aflac duck prank calls Coach Saban, sings Rocky-Top
) Lane Kiffin misses the plane to Auburn, drives from Oxford, through Tuscaloosa, gets speeding ticket while passing Milo's 

Saturday
) Kiffin oversleeps
) bloody mary breakfast for everyone involved: Bryan, Lane, Paul, Tim, Rod, Bo, Bruce, Bobby & Jimmy
) War Eagle nails the landing - again
) Cam Newton picks up with a new feather for his hat - doesn't realize it's from War Eagle and gets arrested for violation of Raptor Regulation 1109
) 10:30 am local time - just in case: CBH leaves a concrete crap in the HC bathroom toilet
) 11:00 am: WDE - Kick off 
) 2:15 pm local time - AU blows 7 points 4th quarter lead, loses to Ole Miss 27/24
) Post game presser - AU Coach is philosophical, speaks only in rhetorical questions, and refers to himself in the 3rd person: "He was here to do what had to be done, and could only be done by him - or was he? War Eagle."
) Kiffin has the crazy eyes, can't finish a sentence and accuses the hotel staff of stealing half is adderall 
) 5:00 pm local: Bobby & Jimmy finish their cigars and release the press statement to ESPN indicating Auburn & Head Coach separation and general terms
) Zach Etheridge named Interim Head Coach, details to follow
) Likely coaches names: Sanders, Kiffin, Freeze, Rhule
) Auburn Fans break the internet
) 6:00 - 10:00 pm Tennessee beats Bama and tears down the goal posts
) 11:00 pm All is well with the world again
) Good night
 

WDE,

Systems

Edited October 12, 2022 by Systems

[jluvah 725]

3 minutes ago, Systems said:

This Fix is In

In no particular order of events:

Monday 10/10/2022
) banking holiday
) rowing-up-ducks

Tuesday
) the funding for the buyout is secure by end of day
) 50% due day 1 - about $8M
) the remaining 50% due as annuity over the next 24 months = $333,333.33/month
) D Sanders & Jack's State "loses" water facilities suddenly

Wednesday
) BH weekly leadership meeting w/Bobby & Jimmy - the deal is done; to be announced Saturday 15 minutes before the UT/bammer game on ESPN
) #Shhhhhhhhhh...
) BHarsin authorizes down payment on a sweet house in Colorado, declines Nebraska job via text message
) BOMontgomery raises interest rates on home repairs by 0.25% through 10/2024
) YellaWood signs 2 year contracts with AL State Gov to repair storm damage - financed by BOM, of course 

Thursday
) no news released
) Auburn football team has best practice all year - relaxed and energized 
) coaching rumors swirl on Finebaum

Friday
) Josh Pate gets his white tee shirt dirty
) D Sanders & the Aflac duck prank calls Coach Saban, sings Rocky-Top
) Lane Kiffin misses the plane to Auburn, drives from Oxford, through Tuscaloosa, gets speeding ticket while passing Milo's 

Saturday
) Kiffen oversleeps
) bloody mary breakfast for everyone involved: Bryan, Lane, Paul, Tim, Rod, Bo, Bruce, Bobby & Jimmy
) War Eagle nails the landing - again
) Cam Newton picks up with a new feather for his hat - doesn't realize it's from War Eagle and gets arrested for violation of Raptor Regulation 1109
) 10:30 am local time - just in case: CBH leaves a concrete crap in the HC bathroom toilet
) WDE - Kick off 
) 2:15 pm local time - AU blows 7 points 4th quarter lead, loses to Ole Miss 27/24
) Post game presser - AU Coach is philosophical, speaks only in rhetorical questions, and refers to himself in the 3rd person: "He was here to do what had to be done, and could only be done by him - or was he? War Eagle."
) Kiffen has the crazy eyes, can't finish a sentence and accuses the hotel staff of stealing half is adderall 
) 5:00 pm local: Bobby & Jimmy finish their cigars and release the press statement to ESPN indicating Auburn & Head Coach separation and general terms
) Zach Etheridge named Interim Head Coach, details to follow
) Likely coaches names: Sanders, Kiffin, Freeze, Rhule
) Auburn Fans break the internet
) 10:00 pm Tennessee beats Bama and tears down the goal posts
) 11:00 pm All is well with the world again.
) Good night
 

WDE,

Systems

Sounds about right.

[NoALtiger 4,034]

These are awesome btw. 

[AUx 3,212]

[Crypto Dentist 147]

10 hours ago, Systems said:

Tuesday
) the funding for the buyout is secure by end of day
) 50% due day 1 - about $8M
) the remaining 50% due as annuity over the next 24 months = $333,333.33/month
) D Sanders & Jack's State "loses" water facilities suddenly

 

 

WDE,

Systems

I was following along nicely until this one.........

"D Sanders & Jack's State "loses" water facilities suddenly"

[Taker 494]

Hear me out on this- The Great Auburn Heist, how 2 men stole the soul of a family. It begins- Allen Green knew that he wasn't going to work out with auburn due to the PTB didn't like him as a hire. So he began to scheme for just the right moment to really screw auburn over for years after he was gone from AU. There was indeed the infamous "hot tub meeting" and during this he and harsin set up "THE PLAN". The details of said plan is a 7 part elaborate scheme and it is as follows. 1st- He would convince Gustavo to tank just enough that the PTB would agree to pay him his gazillion $ buy out but not suck to bad that would make him a risk to hire for another job.  2nd- Green begins to talk about making an "Outside hire" so that everyone will get excited that we are going after a hot commodity, sure fire winner, up and Comer that just needed a chance at a P5 powerhouse.  3rd-  Then he would Bring in Harsin and sign him to a contract that would pay him in 1 season what his entire contract at BSU would and include an ironclad buyout that would set him up in the future so he could return to the tater field of Boise and coach out the rest of his days there after securing the bag. 4th- Harsin would come in and preach discipline and toughness to fire up the fan base and systematically begin to chip away at the program from the inside starting with recruiting, and then overflowing into alienation of the players to cause a mass exodus of players from the program. 5th- He starts the season rolling and brings hope and excitement to the program to secure the belief in him and Allen for the "outside" hire.  6th- once he proved that he could compete he then began phase 2- start throwing the games in the second half so that auburn fans would become incensed and begin calling for his firing.  7th- Begin phase 3. after limping through the end of the season and sinking the program on the recruiting trail he would have "sources" set the ball rolling on the "investigation" that was suppose to get him out and back to Boise with his bag and allow Green an out to resign and get away with a clean break successfully bringing down the auburn football program from the inside out.  This was suppose to conclude their plan However, since the PTB didn't want to appear weak and foolish so they decided to give him another season to give them time to figure out what to do next. So now the Idaho potatoes gang are literally just adding the final touches to sinking this program deeper into the abyss that is mediocrity in recruiting and competition on the field just sticking it to them a little harder for not letting the spuds return home to count their money and retire.  This is just my theory but it seems as reasonable to believe as Bryan Harsin actually being a head coach for our beloved AUBURN UNIVERSITY.  What are your thoughts on this? 

[Systems 177]

3 hours ago, Crypto Dentist said:

I was following along nicely until this one.........

"D Sanders & Jack's State "loses" water facilities suddenly"

It's a story on ESPN - JSU football facilities suffered water loss due to facilities issues. Read it here: https://www.espn.com/college-football/team/_/id/55/jacksonville-state-gamecocks

[Systems 177]

2 hours ago, Taker said:

Hear me out on this- The Great Auburn Heist, how 2 men stole the soul of a family. It begins- Allen Green knew that he wasn't going to work out with auburn due to the PTB didn't like him as a hire. So he began to scheme for just the right moment to really screw auburn over for years after he was gone from AU. There was indeed the infamous "hot tub meeting" and during this he and harsin set up "THE PLAN". The details of said plan is a 7 part elaborate scheme and it is as follows. 1st- He would convince Gustavo to tank just enough that the PTB would agree to pay him his gazillion $ buy out but not suck to bad that would make him a risk to hire for another job.  2nd- Green begins to talk about making an "Outside hire" so that everyone will get excited that we are going after a hot commodity, sure fire winner, up and Comer that just needed a chance at a P5 powerhouse.  3rd-  Then he would Bring in Harsin and sign him to a contract that would pay him in 1 season what his entire contract at BSU would and include an ironclad buyout that would set him up in the future so he could return to the tater field of Boise and coach out the rest of his days there after securing the bag. 4th- Harsin would come in and preach discipline and toughness to fire up the fan base and systematically begin to chip away at the program from the inside starting with recruiting, and then overflowing into alienation of the players to cause a mass exodus of players from the program. 5th- He starts the season rolling and brings hope and excitement to the program to secure the belief in him and Allen for the "outside" hire.  6th- once he proved that he could compete he then began phase 2- start throwing the games in the second half so that auburn fans would become incensed and begin calling for his firing.  7th- Begin phase 3. after limping through the end of the season and sinking the program on the recruiting trail he would have "sources" set the ball rolling on the "investigation" that was suppose to get him out and back to Boise with his bag and allow Green an out to resign and get away with a clean break successfully bringing down the auburn football program from the inside out.  This was suppose to conclude their plan However, since the PTB didn't want to appear weak and foolish so they decided to give him another season to give them time to figure out what to do next. So now the Idaho potatoes gang are literally just adding the final touches to sinking this program deeper into the abyss that is mediocrity in recruiting and competition on the field just sticking it to them a little harder for not letting the spuds return home to count their money and retire.  This is just my theory but it seems as reasonable to believe as Bryan Harsin actually being a head coach for our beloved AUBURN UNIVERSITY.  What are your thoughts on this? 

There aren't any conspiracy theories around Auburn Football and Auburn Athletics. There are actual facts. There are no PTB. There's Bobby & Jimmy. And then there's the fans, which have no impact whatsoever on what goes on internally. Bobby & Jimmy have and make too much money to worry 1 minute about what you/we think. It's all about the dollars - as it should be. 

Edited October 12, 2022 by Systems

[Tiger Refuge 6,801]

Jacksonville State is not Jackson State, and Jackson, MS has been having water issues for years now. 

Also, the game is in Oxford this weekend.

Other than those two minor details, it was a read.

[CAReeves2010 627]

[AUx 3,212]

[weagl1 1,812]

You want to concoct a real conspiracy theory just wait until Harsin is fired, he gets his $15 million buyout, then Saban immediately hires him as his latest “analyst”.  

[IronMan70 3,322]

18 minutes ago, weagl1 said:

You want to concoct a real conspiracy theory just wait until Harsin is fired, he gets his $15 million buyout, then Saban immediately hires him as his latest “analyst”.  

So let me see if I have this right. You are saying that Harsin was a bammer all along ? That would definitely explain a lot of things.

[Systems 177]

2 hours ago, Tiger Refuge said:

Jacksonville State is not Jackson State, and Jackson, MS has been having water issues for years now. 

Also, the game is in Oxford this weekend.

Other than those two minor details, it was a read.

Details - it's a story !

[Tiger Refuge 6,801]

9 minutes ago, Systems said:

Details - it's a story !

 

[passthebiscuits 7,021]

A beautiful mind moment.

[aubiefifty 18,300]

6 hours ago, Taker said:

Hear me out on this- The Great Auburn Heist, how 2 men stole the soul of a family. It begins- Allen Green knew that he wasn't going to work out with auburn due to the PTB didn't like him as a hire. So he began to scheme for just the right moment to really screw auburn over for years after he was gone from AU. There was indeed the infamous "hot tub meeting" and during this he and harsin set up "THE PLAN". The details of said plan is a 7 part elaborate scheme and it is as follows. 1st- He would convince Gustavo to tank just enough that the PTB would agree to pay him his gazillion $ buy out but not suck to bad that would make him a risk to hire for another job.  2nd- Green begins to talk about making an "Outside hire" so that everyone will get excited that we are going after a hot commodity, sure fire winner, up and Comer that just needed a chance at a P5 powerhouse.  3rd-  Then he would Bring in Harsin and sign him to a contract that would pay him in 1 season what his entire contract at BSU would and include an ironclad buyout that would set him up in the future so he could return to the tater field of Boise and coach out the rest of his days there after securing the bag. 4th- Harsin would come in and preach discipline and toughness to fire up the fan base and systematically begin to chip away at the program from the inside starting with recruiting, and then overflowing into alienation of the players to cause a mass exodus of players from the program. 5th- He starts the season rolling and brings hope and excitement to the program to secure the belief in him and Allen for the "outside" hire.  6th- once he proved that he could compete he then began phase 2- start throwing the games in the second half so that auburn fans would become incensed and begin calling for his firing.  7th- Begin phase 3. after limping through the end of the season and sinking the program on the recruiting trail he would have "sources" set the ball rolling on the "investigation" that was suppose to get him out and back to Boise with his bag and allow Green an out to resign and get away with a clean break successfully bringing down the auburn football program from the inside out.  This was suppose to conclude their plan However, since the PTB didn't want to appear weak and foolish so they decided to give him another season to give them time to figure out what to do next. So now the Idaho potatoes gang are literally just adding the final touches to sinking this program deeper into the abyss that is mediocrity in recruiting and competition on the field just sticking it to them a little harder for not letting the spuds return home to count their money and retire.  This is just my theory but it seems as reasonable to believe as Bryan Harsin actually being a head coach for our beloved AUBURN UNIVERSITY.  What are your thoughts on this? 

i want some of what you are smoking. that is pretty out there so no crack nor meth. just good ol fashioned pot.

[weagl1 1,812]

5 hours ago, IronMan70 said:

So let me see if I have this right. You are saying that Harsin was a bammer all along ? That would definitely explain a lot of things.

No I’m just saying if we are going to concoct conspiracy theories that would be a good one.  Destroy Auburn, you get a $15 million buyout and I (Saban) take you into my coach resurrection clinic (also know as the Bammer analyst pool) and you an move on to a another P5 HC job in the future.  

[Taker 494]

3 hours ago, aubiefifty said:

i want some of what you are smoking. that is pretty out there so no crack nor meth. just good ol fashioned pot.

I thoroughly enjoy good satire.... if nothing else it gives me an avenue to vent frustration