i think this is a huge problem in america

[aubiefifty 18,231]

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I have spanked one of my children a grand total of one time. Jillian took off in a shopping center at 4 and nearly ran into traffic before I snagged here. She got a single, swift whop on the bottom for that.

There's a middle ground. I think corporal punishment can be a fair deterrent to a point. At her current age, 11, I would never spank Jill now, though. A stern tone, guilting and grounding from privileges is the preferred mode of punishment, and it works just fine. 

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Further explaining the so called "middle-ground:"

My old Psychology teacher in college is actually the one I modeled a lot of my parenting after. Smart guy, that Dr. Jones. Still see him on occasion.

His thoughts were that the circumstances where a spanking could be justified were very limited.

Conditions were you could not be in a mentally unbalanced state yourself, the incident can't have arisen from a mistake you made, the incident had to be something that could have resulted in serious injury, and your child can't be expected reasonably parse out why what they did was wrong.

The punishment must be immediate, just enough to get the point across, you have to explain that you were scared for them, you love them, and to never do anything like that again.

In a sense it is a form of operant conditioning. It's also not something you can do when your child has a well-developed sense of agency, so kindergarten is what I would consider the cutoff. Varies from child to child though. 

[aubiefifty 18,231]

i think the meme was about more severe whippings.

[creed 1,787]

22 hours ago, aubiefifty said:

Physical punishment without the motivation of the child’s well being is terrible. But mental punishment could be even worse. Eventually, except under extreme cases, the child will grow out of the physical punishment and may return the favor. However, mental punishment that is not appropriately administered can last the child’s lifetime. 

[aubiefifty 18,231]

Just now, creed said:

Physical punishment without the motivation of the child’s well being is terrible. But mental punishment could be even worse. Eventually, except under extreme cases, the child will grow out of the physical punishment and may return the favor. However, mental punishment that is not appropriately administered can last the child’s lifetime. 

i agree to an extent. my mother would drink too much and tell me she wished i had never been born. that one still hurts. and she was not an alkie as she only drank on weekends. but i had a step dad that beat me across the back with a belt.  swatting a child on the butt is one thing but most of the other i will never be for. this is why i carry a lot of anger. i have prayed. i have been to shrinks. nothing seems to help. but i go back to my childhood for most of my problems now.

[aubiefifty 18,231]

i just believe americans are violent and i just think a big part of that problem is kids getting the hell beat out of them and it trains them to be angry. we are too quick to shoot or fight anymore. people doing mass shootings. i understand a lot could be mental problems but i think the anger thing is huge. and for the record this is my own personal opinion and nothing i have read.

[creed 1,787]

There is a book that almost everyone knows that defines a method of believing and living based on Love. I promise if a person reads it, accepts it, and lives it the issue you have described is greatly reduced. 
 

P.S. The book is the #1 published book of all time. 

[AUDub 11,845]

21 minutes ago, aubiefifty said:

i just believe americans are violent and i just think a big part of that problem is kids getting the hell beat out of them and it trains them to be angry.

Obviously never met many Latinos lol. Vivid memories of kids getting chased off the porch by an angry mother with whatever they had handy, like a spatula.

The idea that we apply corporal punishment too much is a new and novel concept for a lot of cultures. Obviously it's a good thing that we recognize that now.

Personal experience, my dad never struck me. He had the psychology of young Dub figured out pretty quick and could punish effectively with a sentence or two. 

Now my mom, on the other hand, she was the sort that would go upside your head for a transgression. Also the type to tell you "go get a switch." And God forbid you brought back an unsatisfactory one. 

[DKW 86 7,906]

Spanked one kid one time. Three firm pats on the butt. never had one issue with either of the two.

He had left the house without telling anyone when he was 5-6. We could not find him for about 45 of the worst minutes of my life. He had ridden with a neighbor to church but no one was told he left. I completely freaked out. Tore up and down the neighborhood looking for him. Called my wife and daughter, two women that have cell phones permanently glued in their hands, but they wouldnt answer for various reasons. 

Three firm whacks on his backside and our two kids never went anywhere we did no know about ever again. 

[SLAG-91 1,611]

10 hours ago, AUDub said:

Obviously never met many Latinos lol. Vivid memories of kids getting chased off the porch by an angry mother with whatever they had handy, like a spatula.

San Antonio Missions use(d) Flying Chanclas as their nickname on occasion.

My grandmother made me go pick my switch, too...different times, for sure.

I digress.  

Big difference between a swat and a beating. Sounds like you parental types here know the difference. I will say, though, that the mere possibility of a paddling was enough to keep me in line.