17 questions for gus malzhan

[aubiefifty 17,487]

By Wesley Sinor | wsinor@al.com
Email the author | Follow on Twitter
on November 29, 2016 at 12:14 PM, updated November 29, 2016 at 1:11 PM

Every week during the season, AL.com asks fans to submit their questions to Auburn head coach Gus Malzahn for his radio appearance on Tiger Talk.

Many fans often submit thoughtful X's and O's questions, or want to know about specific players or injuries. However, there is a handful of posters (we're looking at you, Alabama fans) who regularly send in off-the-wall questions knowing they will in all likelihood be rejected by AL.com or the producers of the show.

Now that the regular season has come to an end, we've decided to go back through and collect some of the most absurd questions for Malzahn that were never submitted.

Enjoy:

1. Coach when the wet field trick fails and the Clemson o-line is facing that big jumbotron, will you instruct the operator to turn up the brightness when the ball is snapped and throw Watson's rhythm off? -- Krymson16, Aug. 29

2. Coach, can I drive your car around the dollar general parking lot? -- No No No, Aug. 29

3. Do you bring your own syrup to Waffle House? -- SFOATLBHM, Aug. 29

4. Coach, what can you do to make the cheerleader skirts shorter to better distract the Clemson sideline? -- Testaclease5, Aug. 29

5. Hey Coach, Do they make swim suit sweater vests? If so, are they neoprene and will you be donning one with your mankini for the start of the game? -- Total Evisceration Courtesy of the Pachyderm, Aug. 29

6. Coach malzahn, has anthony weiner ever sent a text to you or your wife? -- JasonStatham2016, Aug. 29

7. Is Lashlee holding a member of your family hostage? I can think of no other reason for his continued employment as an offensive coordinator at a college program. If so please blink yes in morse code during your next televised interview followed by a 10 digit grid so that a rescue operation can commence. -- abnrgr0306, Sept. 5

8. Coach, did ya'll play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey", pie eating contests or water balloon fights in the locker room after the game Saturday night? -- Dexter, Sept. 5

9. I am a former student and big fan of Auburn football. Why do you deny Auburn football players their constitutional right to carry a hand gun? -- Brandon Davidson, Sept. 13

Watch Auburn interviews, highlights, analysis from the Iron Bowl

All of AL.com's Auburn videos from the Iron Bowl in one place

10. Do you prefer Penske Truck Rental or U-Haul, Gus? -- JoseyWalesAndTenBearsBarAndGrill, Sept. 20

11. Dear guz, I hear you throw darts at a Nick Saban poster. Is that true? -- BamaMoose, Sept. 20

12. Coach, Where my check. You promised that my momma could move out of her car and you'd get her a trailer. I ain't coming if you don't at least fix her tooth. -- Jdub12, Sept. 26

13. Hey coach. You gonna have em boys flying around out there making football plays and stuff like that? -- Luv Da Bestest Poster, Oct. 17

14. Hey Coach, Doug here from Arkansas. Any plans to have another flunky jack with the visiting teams elevator at half again? The childish games are a hoot! I say we keep getting crazier and more nutty to the point of setting a terrible example for those kids about winning the "right" way. -- ApachePilotDoug, Oct. 18

15. Coach, will you now start yelling BOOM on first downs? -- 16andcounting, Nov. 14

16. Hey Coach, did someone tell our offense they were supposed to be doing the mannequin challenge during second half? Thanks for 32 yards, at least we didn't get skunked!! -- LORD_SABAN_HIMSELF, Nov. 14

17. Hey coach how do those boogers taste? The Auburn nation wants to know. They look so tasty the way you enjoy them while you are walking up and down the sideline caressing your clip board. Do you dip your finger in any kind of dipping sauces before the game to add to the goodness of those little green delicacies? Thank you coach - Jimmy Steen from Wire Road -- Rundaball, Nov. 20

Many fans often submit thoughtful X's and O's question

[gr82be 14,567]

7 is hilarious, 15 is understandable after the UGA game and 17 is just plain gross.